Sunday, March 29, 2015

What I Type But Don't Tell...





Sometimes it’s hard to write. All you really want to do is bang the keyboard hard enough so that it can understand your mind and reproduce your feelings in words, you try to type, “my life isn’t going the way I expected” but all that comes out is “saohafkwbVNLwhdjkvhnalef guvhW Vwhefng akhrwg”.


Because you see writing is just a process, a way of understanding your emotions, but the truth is do you connect to yourself apart from this writing? The words we say here are nothing compared to what we do with them in reality. Believe me when I tell you that words cannot compare to the satisfaction that you receive when you express them. 

I know some of you might be asking “but don’t we express through our words?” and to you I say that yes, yes we do, but do we truly say what we mean? Do we let the person really know what is happening in our mind or are we just diverting them by telling them a random joke or a topic, which you think might be more interesting. That’s where you need to tell yourself, Stop hiding, stop being fearful to accept. Start to realise that your words and your mind connect together without the voice that is telling you not to. Because when you start to do that, then you start to see a new side to you a side that seemed familiar, though distant, a side that you thought you could never achieve, a side called Bliss…

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Reflections

Who do I see in this mirror 
Are these the worried woes of the past 
or the future fears that are yet to come?

Is this a message of fame 
or sad witness of shame

Does the beard I wear show the man I have become 
or is it the loneliness that I crave. 

Does this body have the strength to be a warrior 
Or is it going to be an example of weakness. 

What are these reflections 
that blind my eyes 
Are these the images of hope 
or the cracked attempts at Freedom?

Friday, March 20, 2015

Turning...

The mind spins around 
and it doesn't settle 

The shifting colours 
Pierce its way though my memory 

The sides keep turning 
and it makes me wonder 
Which side is me? 

I shift,fold and rearrange 
But the pieces are reluctant to the solution

Which makes everything seem easier 
and yet it takes the alternate route   

You give up 
and let it remain the way it is 

But you know that one day 
You can pick it up 
and switch it around
To see that everything fits...
y

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Silence..


Listen to the silence 
 Listen to the echo it creates 
 Can you hear it? 
The screams that are submerged by practicality 

 Look at the darkness 
 Look at the light it emits 
 For in these dark corners 
 Linger the shadows of treachery 

 Can you feel it?
Can you feel the smell? 
The smell of fear 
 That sweats through every thought 

 This is what happens 
 when silence seeps in 
 The senses don't make sense 
and the brain inside starts to mince. 


 - THE.RETARDED.RAMBLER (BLANK PAGE)

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Flicker




I stand in a corner 
with darkness surrounding 

There is a light 
a light which makes my way

I see this light and I see hope 
but the light seems to be flickering 

The darkness glows in strange wonders 
flashing my life before me 

I stand staring at an abyss 
of amazing wonders 

But why do these wonders appear 
Only when the light is on 

A tear drops from my hollow eyes 
seeing the flicker, 

The flicker of hope, of joy, eventually 
flickering away until it dies out 


 - THE. RETARDED. RAMBLER
     (BLANK PAGE) 

Monday, March 16, 2015

The Retarded Rambler (with a heart)

Just stand there 
Let me have this moment a little longer 
Let me see your eyes glisten 
In this beautiful moon dance 

Don't let me go 
Because without you my mind 
Only seems to be playing your music 

I want to ask for more time
More time with you 
But your voice makes me get stuck 
Stuck in an infinite loop 

All I seem to be doing 
Is living this moment with you 
Because this is all I have 
These moments, these memories...

Retarded Rambler #4 (Blank Page)

There are the bad days
The days where everything seems small

The days when you seem to be invisible
The days when you try to be there
but your eyes betray your trials

Yes, these are the bad days
Where you cannot control yourself

Where your screams don't have an echo
Where tears leave your blood fading in the drain

There in the pit lies the dignity, the pride, the jealousy
that you escape from

Just to realise that the pit has a hole
that forces it back into you.

The good days, ahh the good days
The good days are when we meet
and you look into my eyes

But you have no Idea
                                                           Of the hell that these eyes bare...

Goggles


Today, what do I say about it. I think what I want to say is that I was drunk. Yes out of my mind and mostly out of my body drunk and I really didn't know what was happening around me and I guess that was something amazing. I passed by Marine drive as if I was passing it for the first time and the feeling that overcame me was something that I had never experienced . Well maybe that is a lie I might have experienced it when I was 12 I guess, the wind was the only voice that could be heard, the delicate yet gentle eyes of the sunset that comforted your eyes for a fleeting few minutes, and everything else is just silent. In that moment you didn't need an additional thing to make that moment perfect because it was that moment that was perfect, where everything looked larger, greater and extraordinary. But this is where my kick started to dry off a little and everything started to mix in the traffic, the shouting, where the sun just seemed to come and go whenever it pleased and where looking around seemed more to be a waste of time rather than an actual experience. Now let me ask you this, if we could see all of this with the goggles of an intoxication, then do we see what life is really about anymore?

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Fine lines..

The last drop 
of intoxicating alcohol seeps in 

The night is livid 
With the sparkles 
Of innocent dreams 

Within the vast array of dreamers 
I try to find mine 

The pen guides my shaken hands 
To write what it believes 
Is "THE TRUTH" 

I tuck it in an envelope 
Trying to leave behind 
These pen etched scars 

But the envelope bursts open 
Flodding the desk
With the blood of ink 

And all that can be done 
Is to return to solace 
By pouring yet another drink...

Masked..

Behind these masks i wear
lie the eyes of despair

All you see
is what is shown
and what you see is nothing known.

But you find a way to break
because these eyes cannot fake.

The pain that it has endured
that these sockets seem to hold

All the pain, gore and grime
that just seems hopeless to rhyme

This body shall continue its mutiny
as my face keeps adapting to this city

But in everything i still fear
a thought that occurs queer.

Would it be to much to ask
to accept  this face without its mask?




A Little While Longer...


Those who are the hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most - Peaceful warrior
Love, that is the utmost important thing that everyone desires. we all desire it,we all want it, we crave for someone to love us to complete us. But here is the catch, do we really need it? No, NO I am not being a cynic here and say that "you don't need love" and by textbook the person who is saying that is usually the one late at night drinking a little too much from the bottle and crying his eyes out about his ex girlfriend dumping him and then 20 minutes later its the same guy who calls that ex girlfriend up and says "i love you" in the native drunk language. No I am not telling you not to believe in love but what I think I am asking is let's not put a lot of pressure on it. I see people everyday (including me) who are really worried wether they are going to find the right one or not, and when a girl or guy hint to them that they are interested they go out of their way to make sure that they do not lose them. I am going to tell you a little something I was that guy as well, if a girl was interested in me I had to do everything I can to show her that I am worth it (unquote L'oreal), if she was talking to someone else the insecurities would rise to such an extent that it made me believe that I wasn't good enough for her or any other girl. But what I realised a little later on (3 months actually) is that it doesn't take too much for someone to like you all you have to do is remain the same way you are. A lot of you might be reading this and thinking this is some sort of deranged guy who is just finding a way to vent his emotions. You are right and wrong at the same time. Yes I these re emotions are speaking in a form of words that need to be expressed and the best way to express them is here, and no because when I see love now I see the immense possibility, the sheer joy and that patient wait. so what I am going to tell you at the end of this post is love is going to come to you, its going to spread its arms and welcome you with the greatest of smiles, it is that song that you hear over and over again hoping to dance on it with someone. Yes love will come but don't push it, let it breathe, let it happen on its own don't sit around and wait hoping for something go out and ask for it from he universe, because sometimes love comes to those who love with all their heart regardless of what is going to happen or what has already happened.